Between Fears & Anxiousness

 The weekend passed me by like a breeze. Talking about breezes, I've loved the weather these last few days. It should be like this year round. Honestly, we should be farther away from the Sun more often,. 

So we are in "the" month,. That sweet month where everything is just a bit better, bitter & sweet. Some people really feel the season, others just wear a mask to make it through the day. Lots of changes ahead, this Season Finale is almost at hand,. My stuff is getting packed, the payments are planned. So we are almost there. Hopefully this will be all for the best. I'll post pic of the house once we get moving,. (this is me pretending,. this is all I need),. lol,.

A new chapter in this life is long over-due (not to say I need to forget,. ever,.),. I pretty much know that this month I'm gonna go head first into a lot of wrong decisions, just like November, which I topped my charts in over work and over partying (over partying: the act going out and getting shit wasted in a very small window of time, sleep a bit, get correct and back to the working grind, definitely, not recommended),. although last month was not planned, December I come into this month intentionally planning to celebrate, an attempt to disconnect and forget it all, at least for one moment,. But January, we start the Year of "Change" (if you remember this year was labeled The Year of "Exito",. but the words of Wisdom have christen 2016, already.

So change it is,. Ever seen Fight Club? When The Narrator moves with Tyler Durden and Fight Club is born then evolves to Project Mayhem? I'm basically getting that vibe now,. Except we are not going to perform anarchy,. maybe,. probably civil disobedience,. lol,. No,. we are going to be the good good guy,. trying to better ourselves,. period,. Note to self,. Need to bring my tickets down,. It's messing with other tasks,.

Alright world,. this me saying Good Night,.

Play,.

Strangest November Ever,.

Well, both this year's and last years have been strange,. In very different ways,.

But, this is the last Sunday of the Month,. Only Sunday I rested. Which is was,. oh so lovely,. I wonder what it would be to completely disconnect. As I could not stop thinking of picking up the mobile, or checking Social Networks,. but I limited myself to a bare minimum,. I cannot describe how tired I've felt,. Was it worth it? Yes,. most definitely it was,. I don't think anyone can save me from myself when it comes to changing my mind from think I have I have to do, what I need to do,. I don't know if I mentioned it before (signs of this daily hustle I've been on,.) but I got a shiny new promotion and a raise at work (still adding it for Timeline/Archive purposes ),. You can call yourself Senior now :),. Yes,. working from 9am to 3am without weekends was worth it,.

During the middle of the Month I made probably the biggest mistake of the year (Make note of this and come back and read next July),. So I grew my hair long this year. But I grew tired of seeing how much hair I lost. I mean, It messes psychologically with you, the fact you wake up there's hair on the bed, you take a bath and theirs dozens on our hand. You freaking hair everywhere, not staying on your freaking head ( I'm thinking this is also all the October / November stress I was on ). Anyways, I got tired of that and in a move of adulterated impulse, I shaved my head. Lo & behold, I immediately regretted my decision, which was pretty damn funny. But nothing was as worst as the backlash I got from my family, friends (both male and females), as to why I cut my hair, that the long hair was the much better route. So here I sit, growing my hair now. I was funny though,. But it's OK, just part of the process,. the seasons, need chaotic changes still, looks evolve,. So new tattoos once I hit milestones,. just putting it out there,.


I made a new friend 2 weekends ago (that insane weekend (I did make some room to socialize, I was tired)),. She asked me why I felt so adamantly of not being in a relationship? And that question still hits me right in the gut. My answer remains the same, I'm full of faults, so not being enough for someone affects directly my self-esteem,. I'm really good at certain things, but being in a relationship is not one of them,. I'm a patient person, but that gets mistaken as a weakness, just as my kindness (that is more of a general issue, than intimate),. I have no time for B-Class love. It's not that I don't believe in love. It's just that at this moment, I don't think believe love for me exists, in their eyes and words that slither from their mouths I see and hear other things exist (interest, sex, money, alcohol, partying) but not love.  Sadly, I might die alone,. So I walk this road with friends & family,. Until there are none or until the end of my time separates me from them,.

How'd you like that sack of pain I carry,? lol,. Yep, she did not like my answer,. But I rather push people away (she just called, it's 11.30pm and I did not pick up (please go)) than waste my time. It's the only thing I've borrowed and I can't replace. None of us can,.

But I'm working on myself,. like I say in every post,. haha,. December is upon us,. and changes are coming faster that I can plan them. Traveling is a major part of this coming year,. Moving to a special place is too,. away from it all,. So apart from work,. I plan to focus on music,. writing (hopefully) and last but not least The Project Site (which is still mocked up, but we have really high-end prospects interested (so I need to focus on working on that (above anything else (meaning I need to cut the bullshit because there is a lot of grinding ahead)))),. The things only I get excited about,. lol,.

Aaaaaanyways,. My Sunday is now over, I had my fun, I tried relaxing, saw a movie with my brother,. I played The Last of Us for a sweet amount of time (you have to love multiplayer names with audio chat) , had great food, heard great music,. Now I'm off to check my Google Spreadsheets (Tip 24720: Budget),.

Good Night, Moon,. Thank you for the company,.