Under the Storm /// And here we are,.

Oh how time ticks,. oh how it also tocks,.

I heard a really good quote from Penn & Teller earlier today,.

You don't heal a broken heart by pretending is not broken,.

 The more I discern the phrase,. the more it made sense,. And I came to the conclusion (an answer I know is there, but oh,. how do I not wish to accept ((denial)) I am looking at my recent problems all wrong,.

I got so stuck trying to control every aspect of life,. I turned into this loc'ed mad man,. But the last week or two I've really taken the time to space out a little bit. Although <----- nbsp="" p="" unifished="" word="">
(I stopped and left this post as a draft. I left 2 days, I don't remember really what stopped me from continuing what I was writing above. But I can tell you this,. I promise I wont disappoint by not finishing my thoughts this time around.

First I will list the things I'll talk about,.

What I've been up to,.
My Keyboard,.
My Vices,.
My Outlook on life,.

What I've been up to,.

Basically these last two weeks I've focused on work. Outside of work, my life has been a bit monotonous. Basically, my bedroom triples as a,. well,. bedroom,. living room & workplace,.

I do have have my little moments outside of my room from time to time, I  sometimes go to the park or run errands or go out with my brothers or my friends, but in the end, I end up here.

 Thus making the experience of life overall a bit claustrophobious (AND YES I KNOW THAT WORD DOES NOT EXIST, DON'T KNOW IF I'M COINING THE TERM, BUT THAT IS THAT).

My KEyBoArD

On other news,... Well,. let me set the scene first,. This a bit technical,. I love notebooks. Yes I do,. I mainly use a notebook when two things happen. I'm working on personal stuff or I really needed to get out of the house and I'm traveling. That is it. Besides that, you will not find me working on a notebook / laptop ever,. I hope I am true to my word there.

The point is I love my desktop. I love working on a desktop. I love having a real work space. And enjoy the power, performance and efficiency that a desktop may give you. 

On that note, let me just note one thing I have loved about a notebook that I have yet to enjoy on a desktop. A notebooks keyboard feels really good to type on. Whereas I have always not cared much about upgrading the low-end keyboards I've used with the desktop computers I've built.

But I noticed something. I didn't want to work much because my hands are always hurting. I honestly put that pain in the back of my mind and dismissed as me being lazy. I honestly thought that my body was making excuses to not work. I don't know if it is because I've been mostly by myself (total loneliness, even caught myself talking to myself out loud) this past month. And I'm pretty sure this (being alone) and an herb I've been toking lately (yes I own a pipe) have made me awfully aware of my body. Since we are in the topic of my keyboard, I'll limit myself on letting you know that the pain I'm still talking about is my hands.

So this pain, which I thought was laziness, gained my attention slowly but surely this past month. To the point I said,. "Fuck It, could it be the keyboard?". So I sat there at my desk analyzing the situation. I leaned very closely to keyboard and observed the motion of the keys as I slowly pressed those buttons, I began to noticed how shitty, swampy, muddy the keys felt. I noticed that the layout on my desktop for the keyboard and mouse, made the position I sat uncomfortable. Made me noticed that the number keypad was an obstruction and caused my mouse to be far apart from the letters in my keyboard. Thus making my movements during the day slowly cause pain to hands.

Believe, this makes sennse when you spend from 8 to 11 hours on your desk typing away.

My conclusion was,. "Well, It's time we do some research on a new keyboard."

My first thought was to jump in mthe car head over to X computer shop and buy a decent keyboard.

But then as I researched further, through Amazon and YouTube videos. I noticed that there was cheap mechanical keyboards out there. I mean they are not that cheap. But they do not get to the level of making you feel bad for spending so much money on a Keyboard.


So I locked in to an specific model I wanted. Which is the Magicforce68 (Tenkeyless, meaning it does not have a NumKey Pad. And I chose the model with Khail blues, which mimics the behavior of Cherry MX blue switches.

I ordered it from amazon and took a week to get to my hands (Great job Amazon and AeroPost). Total price after Shipping & Handling. - $82.00

I got it this last Friday and was really excited (you know this is a special moment when you have a boring life, lol). So I came back to my room and immediately chucked the old keyboard out of the way and hooked up the new keyboard. And oh my smile when I saw it light up. But better yet. I fired up the work platform and I cant tell you the joy I felt typing the rest of the day.

The switches are amazing, your finger makes love to that key when pressed. The back-lit is strong and so helpful, it really helps when seeing the keys (less eye strain), back lit is so good though, that I have it dialed two levels down from max level. No one needs that much light, lol.

I have to say, I am really happy. because I have come to realize that sometimes we ignore the little things. This was not about making a purchase because of the love of material things. In fact, I have not purchase anything material for myself in quite a long time. Those little things we ignore sometimes,.. Sometimes paying attention and doing something about my help on the long run.


Just wanted to share a simple action from someone who's nobody and decided to do this one thing on day. And how it went well for him.

Here is the keyboard by the way:

I know my current camera sucks,. but,. deal with it,.

My Vices,.

Food/Sugar Alcohol/Tobacco,.

This could be a long rant,.

I wont look to the past on this or it will expand the length of this post. And after that keyboard story. I really enjoyed typing that, by the way, but still. The train of thought decides how long we should go.

Food / Sugar

Young me had a problem with this. Sadly pre-teen, teen and young adult me did not know how to cope with depression and made food and whole-day sleeping their escape routes. I ate away my whole childhood and slept away all my sadness (come to find it is not so easy to let go that way).

I'm working on it. If we lost 100 pounds, what are a few more,. We'll get there. 

I think I got this down. I eat decent now,. So this is a non-issue,. Except just focusing on having at least 1% likeness to an athletic body, haha. So that requires exercise. But for now walking is enough. For now,. This is due to my other issue,.

Alcohol/Tobacco

These have been older/present me problems. Alcohol not so much lately. Although I did noticed how much of an asshole I've become the past few times I've been drunk. But that was due to personal issues. This is currently in progress. So let's leave it at that.

Tobacco,.

This is numero uno. My current adversary. Above everything, this is my current problem.

My letter to Tobacco:

Dear Friend,

I know you've been there in my toughest times,

You've helped me escape from my emotional pain,.

When the night was at it's darkest, 

you gave be a small red light to contemplate,.

I am grateful for those moments,

From those moments I learned,.

The smoke clouded the the bad thoughts away,

But now you've taken the wrong place,.

You've replaced emotion for physical,

My Pain and who I am, a result of this,.

 So friend please, disern my words,

I need you to leave,.

I'm speaking the truth, I am speaking my heart. Those that do not know a vice which becomes and addiction that goes and directly becomes a threat to your life. And despite knowing that fact you continue to let it run your life,. Have no idea of what those words above signify to those who have lost that battle for so long.

Understand this. For the past month I'm smoking two packs a day. I understand my problem all too well.

So we'll take it one day at a time.

My Outlook on life,.

I'm still lost on what will happen next. I currently expect nothing from anybody. But my problem is,. I'll still help those who ask. I guess at this moment I am just waiting.

I'm just waiting for people to slip, just enough,.
Just enough for me to find the courage and strength to say, "no more",.

My problem has always been not saying "no",. I try to make everyone happy, I crave for being accepted. I need to be noticed and I don't mean this in a narcissistic way, I mean, I need for those that mean something to me to return that affection,. That is always a let-down,. I feel I give so much,.
But the moment you do that, people expect it from you, always. And since they have accustomed to your behavioral pattern, they don't care the way they treat you.

No wonder good guys are always at the back of the line. And true douche-bags are always the twinkle in a woman's eye.

So yeah, I have no dog in this fight, just yet.
I just know I've become desensitized to the word love again,.

Everything else looks bright. Me works, Me gets moneys, Me pays our debts and Me looks to invest. That's the focus now. To make way for a better future. Not for just Me,. but for my family & friends and whoever comes next,.

Loved to type all this non-sense,. Should write a book,. But I have having to fix the syntax on conversations,. blah,.

I'm out. Peace, bitches,.

Fears met.

Well. Nothing like getting shot to shit by your own countrymen (you can't have nice things around those don't) . Just a bump on the road but, far away from stopping my resolve.

Kids, this is the reason you should aways have a Plan B. In fact, make sure to have that Plan C tucked away for a rainy day as well ;)

So we swallow our pride, dismiss those trying to bring us down and march on. This is not over. Not by a long shot.

Short Stop.

 << - ---------  +  --------- - >>

It's been a hectic month since my last post,. (as always, consistency, one of my areas of improvement),.

Been busy getting things in order, connecting bridges, burning others. Opening doors for those I see fit and closing others that I have no reason to keep open. My job? Demanding, it takes time I could use to build other projects, but that is life. No other way about it. No time for those that demand too much of it and are never satisfied.

So some of my plans are on hold, until further notice. But great milestones are nearing ahead (as long as I keep my ducks in line and walking. Walk bitches,.).

Off-Topic (With a point in the end, I promise.) - The 1st of January, I went out with a few friends, after the New Years celebration with the family, we ended joining some folks @ Paseo El Carmen. One of my friend's acquaintance blurted out this little gem, -"este año, es el año del exito" and those of us who were there at the time laughed, it was funny cause he was drunk and the guy is one of the strangest persons I've met up to know. Anyways, we have kept mentioning that phrase as the year goes by. 

But, as funny as it is mentioning it (you have to say it with conviction) for every little plan we have, there might just be something inside that phrase that opens up a can of whoop-ass in the universe that is helping our plans march along. 

That said, (which is not much at all) I need to move, for the moment. But I had to let this go on my senseless stream of thoughts, as a reminder I have to come back and leave my State of a Daydreamer 2015 address (lol, lame). Lot's of thought's I rather see in text and re-digest through my eyes.

Hopefully I'll post some of these over this weekend or later tonight, it all depends, but, it has to remain documented.

And as I leave to take a bath and do partially, my Friday night Routine. I leave this track that has been in my head pushing me on, the past month or two. 

Funny how it centers me, instead of triggering a panic attack. Comfort zone? Don't know, but the beat is crazy, which works well with my off-set self.

<< - ---------  +  --------- - >>

September,.

So Neto apparently listed a site for the "@ de Oro",. Gotta start voting for that as soon as it's humanly possible. Which just put me in the realization of how things have a way of taking place,. how some items on one's list stay pending far too long. I thought that the time for some goals would've happened by now. And it's in some way sad to figure not having completed much. But again, moments like these just come back to re-manifest forgotten roads to take,.

I'll try to walk those roads one step at at time,.

Today was a good day,. great teaser day,.
helped my Sweery & Rodri with homework,. got Office 2010 installed on Aleman's lapster,. And in the end watched "The Expendables" with Neto and Aleman,. Crazy action-packed movie,.

Need more thinking and meditating to do,.
Talks to you later,.

I made popcorn, didnt eat it,.

Second exams for this semester have come and gone. What a weekend,. 5 exams in 2 days. Friday night was a huge hustle trying to get the last bit of information cramped, I did what I could but the baggage of the week held me down, the same with my sweery, her eyes closed shop quick. Got to class the next day and like always the fuzzy logic kicks in,. and by that I mean, as soon as I have one single doubt on the process I'm following on paper. Suddenly everything I study comes crumbling down, and start doing dumb-ass decisions. I need Fosfo B12 probly,. haha u.u

Sunday came with 3 exams. Math, TIC4 and Progra1,. And I gotta say that Progra woman, teacher, instructure-creature who dwells the deep chasms of hell. Needs a attitude upgrade soon. All I did was ask if I could do the exam in the next available hour. Seeing as though she had just stated that she would be there the next hour. And the nerve of this bitch to respond so rudely (me not being the better person in keeping this to myself), she had to go on and look down on me. u.u just bad service in her part,. -.-

Anyways came back home made some popcorn. Watched Shooter at last, (that movie rocks sweety,. your right) then completely fell asleep and watch in short doped portions Back to the Future 2 and 3,. (watched the first one last week so I had to conclude the Back to the Future cycle, you just can't interrupt it and except to leave it that way.

Well, sou so far, have woken up, and kinda updated the sets on Flickr, gonna go back to sleep though, just needed to release those thougts,.

Current status,.
Leg and Back are stressing me out
(Gonna try sleepin face up,.)

Started composing a song,.
experimental,. but kinda nice,.
hopefully Ill get to at least
master it and have a track out,.

Like how things are right now,. but
something is not right,. this way
of doing things (habits) are not setup
properly,. making huge issues with my
schedule, mood,. comfort,.
leg hurts as I type this need to walk around,.

Then fall asleep,. again,.

on vacations,.,. so far,.,. :D

So far it looks like a good idea to have my vacations on rainy days,. Definetly getting to rest. Except that I do need to study for parciales which are this coming week. But still, ready to go out have some phun, also watch out for my latest liveset of The Night Flight on INSIDIA FM. Thanks for the support. Check'em out on HTTP://INSIDIAFM.COMUF.COM since the primary website is down,.

!!! :D !!! d+.+b !!! :\ !!! U.U !!!

No me voy a cortar el pelo hasta mi cumpleaños,.


Let's see how long that lasts,. U.U /// January has been really slow. But has been a very content filled month despite the fact that not much has happened the things that have come to pass have not been simple things. I owe apologies to various people for I guess for leading them on,. Seeing as though I may have done it unconsciously. So my bad, for those awkward situations. So I guess things have to be, different I guess. and apparently it seems some of my friends have still not understood the difference between last year and this year's January., Some intend to repeat the very same thing that happened last year,. But I can't think about going out 2 months each and every single night. I can't!,. There are just too many things I gotta do right now., alright?

My friend Victor [who for some reason some people think he doesn't exist, that's another story] has been busy getting his video project up. And has left what seems to be a Test/Teaser/Trailer on YouTube. So I present to you the Test/Teaser/Trailer of his current project, under his DUDE Entretenimiento Label,. haha.


So, I guess things are kinda in a very strange state. By the way,. There was a weird small earthquake last saturday morning. I was at work, in fact I was in a call. But I was rocking my chair. So I didnt feel it. All I saw was people running around like crazy all of a sudden.,. all I could think of? what a bunch of No0b$,. haha. And to end this broadcast a pic of me freezing my a$$ off in Apaneca,.

Pills, Projects, Copenhagen and Life @ the Beach,.

No evening is normal when you wake up from a short nap caused by some pills,. and witness these strange news on CNN about how bad the economy is going under in the U.S., But that's one of those things that are truly out of our hands. What I gotta be thinking off at this time is to get the Tarks page up and running. It is one of those projects that no matter what we need to get up and running now if we truly think tht at some point we can profit of it. Seeing that economies will be soon injected by shitty situations. Despite it goes against what I'm told by some,. I think it's time to go against the current. And try to get this site up and running now. So that way we can get ready on cranking out content and splatter it all over the galleries. This mind jolt comes from the most unexpected place. But in that sense I gotta give it up to Neto. To go out and drink with that guy was actually productive. As you can truly tell who is hungry for more, rather than those who talk about how wish they would like to make it beyond their current job status and into their own business. So next item on the list prior to start wokring on polishing the galleries and layout of the site. Or complete revamp of the whole layout and possibly going with a direct CMS,.[in my opinion Joomla!, since PHPNuke is nice and all, but not eye candy enough] is for me to get my form & signature faxed to Copenhagen, Denmark so that the new webhost can be redelagated with my domain. Haha,. now thats fun stuff to talk about., Not AHT, RDR, RDE,.

In other points in life,. I'm gonna have a 4 day weekend next week. So ill try my best to focus on working solely on the layout and design, and the best course of action on easy access to upload/update content.

In other news,. Tavo has been warned by Aleman to not make plans until Friday as he's AHT has gone up due to planning the same trip over 20 times a day on the daily chat window,.

And last the bad news of the day,. So i'm getting my stuff to go to class,. When the computer at work goes off on its own,. Now since I normally leave it ready the next day. I instinctevly turned the computer back on,. When the bitch decided to give me beeps and revving the processor fan like a mad man.,. So,. looked in the back and diag lights pointed out YYGG,. Chepe told me what the diag code was since he had the training pages open,. But apparently my mind has decided to forget that data,. Is not useful now,. Well,. It doesnt me bother me except for one thing,. I hope this doesnt mean they will format all my data off the computer. I just finished downloading like 10 radio rips from,. Paul Van Dyk,. Paul Oakenfold,. Sander van Doorn,. Above & Beyond,. Super8 & Tab,. Armin Van Buuren,. and DJ Shah I think,. soooou,. I hope they are not easily lost tomorrow,. -.- Oh well,. gotta get some water,. All this finger movement got me thirsty,.

:: Stepping away the status quo ::

as the world continues to go round and round, from space zoom down to the lower heavens,. more to latin america,. zoom even further to El Salvador,. zoom juz a bit more to Antiguo Cuscatlan,. then make a left turn from the "Universidad Albert Einstein" and boom,. u see me sawing off the nappy as wooden shitz of my bed,. yah sounds weird but it happened,. anywayz,. im being mind blocked,. ill speak of it later,.,. haha,. most likely i wont,.