Here,. so far away,.

Slept all evening during the rain. Now I can't fall back asleep. So I sit here back to the wall on my bed. And I can shake of the nerves of what is to come and if I'll make it to my goal (can't say just yet, cause I feel I'm close to jinxing the whole plan). Mid-November will define what I will focus on 2016. The struggle is real, real dumb. Wish I would've been given more time to prepare myself.

Also, I wish I would've kept my mouth shut to family and friends until I had confirmation. Tired of getting asked how my plans are going. I already have enough to worry about. It's been a year of somewhat-strict debt snowball recovery. Can't deny it though. After the first punch below the belt given on September. The word "despilfarro" comes to mind. Trying to forget, to not cry,.. So tired & stressed out,.. 

My hair is falling again, which is just adding to the negative feels. It's the dieting. But, we broke the long-standing plateau. I have up to now lost 83 pounds since my highest weight ever recorded. I just have to do half that again to be ok. Perseverance, bitches. At least sugar levels have improved, for the moment. But we have learned the struggle is real and only I understand what it's been and the road I have to take. Sitting idly by just amounts in fucking up you health. Anyways,.,.

I've alway been a night person,  but I really need to rest. Insomnia has me, but in order to learn new programming code I need to be in tune. To go to the gym, I need to feel energized. And to be positive, I need to continue receiving positive vibes. All hopes for the best. I'll try to catch some Z's again. Night world.

This is the tune of this scene,.,.