8.02.2011

Where is my mind?

I was walking through a wheat field making sense out of nothing. I asked myself where I had gone off to for so long. As though I was part of multiple things, all which made no sense. As I walk through the path I extend my hands at the kernels that are steadily placed on their stems, which in turn are firmly planted on the ground. The awn slowly caresses the palm of my hands as I make my way through the field. There is a sense of nostalgia as small essence of the kid I once was had been came to this very same field, I then felt the presence of regret, toward all those things I had not accomplished at some point in my life. My reasoning was faded by something more than my own judgement. Clouded by that which has always kept me back from achieving those goals set on any given day on my long list of days on planet earth. I can now tell I'm no longer in the wheat field. And the place I'm in is unfamiliar to me.

The breeze calms my breathing, as I start to realize I stand a top a high rising mount. I can look down at a village I do not recognize. But a vague feeling of knowing it is a place special to someone I may know creeps in. I feel lucid, a velvet comfort, I realize the place I have visited is not real. In the back I can hear Tibetan chants slowly spreading a wide sense togetherness. I suddenly become ill on my one true weakness. It sounds so obvious here in this place where I metaphysically stand. It is so easy to pinpoint that which holds me down. But up there in the surface, It is so hard to maintain concentration. That small doubt of a problem which always takes me further into an abyss of sorrow. A self-driven no-sense place of masochist desire for an untamed mind.

I am no longer standing. I hear drumbeat. I lay down, face up, in the middle of a forest. I have my eyes closed, but I can feel it is rich in green. The feeling of the comfortable soil beneath me and the plants growing at my sides. It is as if time has stopped for me. Yet, everything around me moves much faster. As though I have become a constant in this vast unwithering realm.  But it is now time to let go. Time to surface. So here I go. Going back up,. Then off to sleep,.

As I have become an early bird of prey,.
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