Wonder,.

10/08/2021

You see, I was  never here. Something, a part of me was left behind. In that old carcass it withered away. It was never really much an authentic part of me. Just a slice of a broken soul. Never to be seen whole again. 

I always lost, but that's ok. That is how the story was written. How I was meant to experience it all, how the story was told. I was meant to live through shadows, meant to listen to their reason of why I was never enough. I was meant to be slapped with the reality that much things were not meant for me.

06/09/2022

So the months passed, faster than I could've imagine. Some things have a better outlook, others, like health are a constant battle. So I began I.F. again. Trying to counter the demons (sugar levels). Pain in the heart, night terrors, strange dreams, anxiety, panic attacks. It is all beyond over-thinking, these are physical issues. But I can only blame myself, I let myself go. Let things take a dark course. Not the poetic, letting go of the wheel and let the car end, wherever. So, have to get better, cause potentially things that are not my health may get better and I would really wish to still be alive/healthy enough to experience them.

Look at that, it started to rain, I guess I must take advantage of this to try and catch some Z's