12.01.2010

December, 1st day of the last month,.

Have been meaning to post something,. at least anything, it's been a while and the fact that I've been away for so long ( in the sense of not putting my words down,. ) feels just down right awkward,. so here I am doing what I can posting through email, as web access is a no-go (in this place where I am right now) <.<,.
The year has blown by and much has change, it's been a fun ride with the normal ups & downs you could expect to always show up in cue.
<< went to training>>
So as I was saying, It's been interesting times, I've been meaning to get a canvas and oil paints cause I've been having the urge of putting down something on canvas for a while. I haven't figured out yet what I want to do exactly, but definetly its a thought that keeps revolving in my head. Would be nice to do a couple of them. And see what happens.
That reminds me, just as last year I was able to purchase the camera (Canon 450D (Xsi)). I gotta say the camera has been a great, it was definetly what I expected and more. Except one thing, that the Kit Lens is a nightmare with dim light. Blurry unfocused pictures even with the highest ISOs,. It was expected. Sou hopefully that'll change soon. Its been really good for our short trip & at home with my Baby Girl & the unfocusable Rodri (he doesnt stay put),. But I can see how this hobby turns into a profession for most. The creative value is great. Goot thing my sweets like photography too, but we havent been able to get to do more creative portraits, I say it would be due to that Kit Lens.
Off to another topic,. I hate this anxiety thing. I love how sometimes it takes a backseat in my life. That's good an all. To forget about it and you live a few moments in life as though you kinda feel like you were normal. But sometimes it comes back with a vengance. Yesterday I came back home after spending sometime with my girl (as she did the paper we need to turn in on friday (which btw kinda felt useless there, not doing anything myself) I played with rodri on my girls phone ( apparently for him to play on her phone means I gotta strictly play sometimes too). I digressed with one too many paranthesis,. Anyways,. yesterday I had one of those moments were you're just one hairpin away from total uncontrol collapse crapified feeling of "leave me alone",. mixed with gotdamn it feels good to excercise and move around and sweat,. It is that moment, when you stop just as you got to the very last part of excercising. And your heart is beating like crazy. That moment when its at I'm pumping beacuse of excercise and right next to,. Damn this is how it has felt when I had my worst anxiety attacks. Such a sweet & sour feeling,. u.u,. damn I dunno why I'm so fixiated with this anxiety so much,. Even I'm tired of listening to my head talk about it., but at the same time., feels good to let it out,. anyways,. back to dispatching parts for my fellow customers,. hoping my mind helps me find out how I'm gonna get out the current routine,.
And if the Mail2Blogger doesn't post this,. I'll be pissed,. <.<
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